


You've Broken My Heart And Now You Leave Me

by ShipperTrash140109



Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, hahahahahahardzello, i don't make the rules, i love the harlee gc so much, joe has more chemistry with a cardboard cutout, only follow them, that shit broke, you can't convince me otherwise sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 12:28:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18388463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipperTrash140109/pseuds/ShipperTrash140109
Summary: “You’re going to top”“Fuck off, Joe, you’re going to top, and also, I can’t perform if I have that creepy thing staring at me from the corner!”“That ‘creepy thing’ has twice the personality than you’ll ever have! I love him, dammit!”akathis is the closest i'll ever get to writing hardzello





	You've Broken My Heart And Now You Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imnosaint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnosaint/gifts), [UglyFucker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UglyFucker/gifts).



> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now! this is not based on real life and is merely a fictitious event
> 
> all i have to say is that i love both my wives for mentioning this a couple months ago and i hope you both enjoy. also, by the way THIS IS THE MOST HARDZELLO YOU'RE EVER GOING TO GET OUT OF ME, IM SORRY THE MATH OF THAT SHIP JUST DOESN'T ADD UP
> 
> IM TAKING REQUESTS so feel free to drop one in the comments or on my tumblr!  
> FEEDBACK AND COMMENTS (even the screaming ones) ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED💓💓

It was rather foolish for either of them to assume this would somehow actually work

But, they were already in bed together for another one of Joe’s little skits, and surely if so many people on the internet thought it was real and ‘shippable’ then it couldn’t be that bad of an idea, right? Besides, maybe if they got it out of the way, Ben and Gwil could officially turn exclusive (the only reason they weren’t being that Joe always complained about being left out and so if it ever got bad one of them may have to take one for the team and… convince him that he wasn’t).

Anyway, their guesses were wrong.

“You’re going to top”

“Fuck off, Joe, you’re going to top, and also, I can’t perform if I have that creepy thing staring at me from the corner!”

“That ‘creepy thing’ has twice the personality than you’ll ever have! I love him, dammit!”

They’d been at this for around ten minutes by now, but they were both somehow still interested in having a go. This is probably due to the fact that they were both single, lonely adult men and that they were already insinuating something… attention-garnering. Ben felt his cheeks flush pink, Joe was seriously getting on his nerves now, how the hell would they be able to fuck each other if they couldn’t even agree who had to top? It was a very important detail, sure, they had their hands and mouths, but it wasn’t the same, y’know? Also, why was Cardy still here?

Ben groans, shoving at Joe, who was currently trying (and failing) to pull the blond on top of him, “this is bullshit!” he announced, Joe gasping and returning the outburst with a _pure genius_ insult that would have the strongest man in tears… not really, he called Ben bullshit and clutched the sheet to his chest to hide… something, Ben wasn’t really sure what, the redhead was kind of completely clothed.

“Big bad Ben Hardy can’t be a little flexible! You look like the top of tops, how the hell are we even having this argument!” it seemed Joe was a little blinded by the multitudes of twelve-year-old girls pretending they knew about the blond’s sexual preferences. If Ben was completely honest, he couldn’t even _remember_ the last time he’d been a giver rather than a receiver, and if he was honest, he was a little stunned by the fact that so few people could guess… it’s not like he was particularly assertive when he let Gwilym Lee push him around and hug him and keep him within arm’s reach at all times. Ben thought he was too obvious if anything… apparently not.

“Whatever, where’s Gwil? I have a feeling he’ll fuck me real good, and at least there won’t be some creepy cardboard cut-out of me in his room watching us the whole time!” Ben was up and off the bed in seconds, retrieving his jacket and throwing a dirty look to the outraged older man, still hidden under the covers and likely cradling Cardy B in his arms.

“Fine, go find him, SEE IF I CARE! I thought what we had was special, but I guess I was wrong! I was a fool to love you, Ben Hardy!” he yelled as the blond made for the door, turning over to face the cut-out just as the door slammed and giving him an apologetic kiss. Cardy was silent, but the glint in his eye told Joe all that he needed to know; they were better off alone anyway. “I’m so sorry, he’s such a disaster twink sometimes, it was too soon, I hope you can forgive me, Cardy… I still love you.”

Cardy was silent, and Joe smiled, sliding his hand over a smooth cheek, patting softly at the cardboard. He swallowed a thick lump at the empathetic silence he received in response, “oh Cardy, you always know just what to say.” He goes in for another quick kiss, hand sliding down the edge of the cut-out, and that’s when disaster struck, and another devastating blow is dealt, a paper cut- like a knife in the back from the one he loves most… betrayal of the highest degree, a travesty- one which had Joe in tears in seconds.

Ben is stomping his way down the hall when the space is suddenly filled with a loud exclamation of  “WE’RE FUCKING DONE CARDY! YOU’RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM! I WAS WRONG- YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME!” emanating from Joe’s room. Ben hums in satisfaction to himself, he knew that thing was cursed.

Gwil is luckily just down the hall from them, and Ben doesn’t hesitate before dramatically slamming the door open, Gwil barely startling from where he was scrolling through his phone, leaning on the small island in the kitchen. What a power move, a sign of a true alpha male, and one that wouldn’t argue with Ben for ten minutes over who was giving it.

“I cannot stand him, why I ever bother to try and deal with him and that bloody cut-out is beyond me! You’re my one and only, that’s all there is to it, we can go exclusive now, I’m not letting him within two metres of me ever again” Ben sighed, wiggling his way between the brunet and the counter, Gwil humming in both amusement and annoyance at being disturbed as he shuffles back to accommodate the blond. “Have you got free time? Nothing planned?” Ben asks, wrapping his arms around the man’s hips and letting his hand slide down _very_ low on his back.

“No, not till later this afternoon, why? You need me to film some more unneeded videos with Joe?” Gwil asks, voice a little harsh, the jealousy evident despite Ben’s declarations of his undying love just seconds before. Gwil knows Ben loves him, and he knows they’re an absolute fucking **power couple** , but that doesn’t mean he likes to see the blond laying it on hot and heavy with his best mate (even if after all the photos and videos, Joe still had more chemistry with a cardboard cut-out rather than a flesh and blood human being).

“No, I just kind of want you to fuck me really hard, could ya do that for me? Please?” Ben asked, and boy if that didn’t knock the wind out of Gwil, especially when he said it so politely. Speechless, all the brunet could do was nod eagerly, mouth hanging open, before Ben was pushing them towards the bed.

The blond had been correct this time, Gwil could fuck him real good- within an inch of his life, even. Ben couldn’t even hold back his own noises of enjoyment, he was completely destroyed within a minute, Gwil knew him so well- knew his body so well, he left the shorter man a mess every single time, and in Ben’s opinion, he’s the only one that ever will.

Considering how much of a gentle, considerate man Gwil is in everyday life- it’s always a shock when he can push Ben’s face into the bed and hold him down whilst fucking him raw so damn perfectly. How he can change like that so quickly, and then afterwards still kiss him so softly and clean him up so carefully, was a mystery to this day. Ben was convinced he wasn’t actually human.

So, whilst Ben screams his little lungs out receiving the pounding he was previously denied, Joe sits in his room, Cardy standing opposite from him, leering at him with those cold green eyes. All the redhead can hear is Ben Hardy being either murdered or ravished by who could only be Gwilym Lee. Joe assumed it was the latter, because the only person that would have the motive to murder him, was currently locked in an intense stare-down with a cardboard cut-out of the man himself.

“Oh Cardy… that could be us but you playin.’”

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to drop a comment or request down below, or hmu on my [tumblr](https://hardleeharlee.tumblr.com/)


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